What went through his mind in the last moment?

I used to have a simple life:

making plans,
following the plans,
making new plans

…no distraction, no interruption, everything was very simple and according to the plan…

This, was before I do “activism”[1].

This activism has made me extremely tired[2] and yet I am not among the ones whose lives have tremendously changed after the Presidential Election in Iran in June 2009; I am not among the ones who have spent every single moment of their lives to make a change in the system; I am not among the ones who had to leave their home after the election to save their lives; I am not among the ones whose dreams have been vanished and gone…yet, I am extremely exhausted and tired…I promised myself to leave this way of living soon, to go back to my simple life, to go back to live according to the plan, for my own sanity and for my child…I promised myself that IPY International Essay Contest will be my last project in so called “activism”…I did promise this to myself…yet, I am afraid I’m going to disappoint myself and break my promise as I read this headline news this morning:

The man who set himself on fire yesterday in Amsterdam at Dam Square, died in the hospital this morning. The 36-years old man was an Iranian asylum seeker whose case was rejected and closed!

One question has been going through my mind over and over:

“what went through his mind in the last moment?”

It seems life is not going to be simple, or as simple as it used to be…unless…unless there is a change...

---

[1] Point of clarification: I have mentioned before that I am not an activist or academic. Doing activism is not necessarily equal to being an activist, at least, by my definition.

[2] As I wrote in my first post, these are my confessions…so I confess: I am extremely tired…