I can’t take it anymore.

It’s midnight…I’ve been waiting for this moment for hours, I’ve been waiting for this moment for days, I’ve been waiting for this moment for months…

I wrote the sentences in my mind while sitting in the bus going to work every single morning; I erased the sentences in my mind while sitting in the bus coming back home every single evening; I changed the sentences every single time I talked to you, I listened to you and I merely looked at you…

There was an illusion that the capacity is unlimited, meaning you can take as much as it comes; meaning you can handle it as hard as it gets; meaning you can live with it as cruel as it can be; though, this was an illusion!

I can’t take it anymore, I can’t handle anymore, I can’t live it anymore!

call me weak, call me fragile, call me pathetic, call me broken, call me whatever you want… I can’t take it anymore, I can’t handle anymore, I can’t live it anymore!

Since I remember when I was a kid, around New Year time, there was a video tape going around coming from the others live over the seas: singing, dancing, wishing to celebrate the next new year in their home country and sing and dance with their fellows and families…more than 30 years passed and none of those people saw their land again! Never thought I will one day become one of those over seas people who wish to celebrate new year with their fellows and families in their home land, but here I am: it’s been 2 years, 2 bloody years that I have not been home and God knows how many more years is going to come…

It is the day that we are going to announce the winners of our contest; yet, it’s a lie to say that I have hopes…I’m sorry to let you down, I can’t take it anymore.